sooo tired someone shoot me.... hav ta see stupid duty nurse seriously that docs is crap cant possibly run out of appointments that quick!

 

why do people always want something from you. y cant i just be enough y does there always have to be more or have to be something in the way. i get that people need things i do and thats fine but cant they ask someone else for a change or at least hav the desency to say thanks.

for once in my life i just want to no that i am good enough that what im doing is good enough. i cant make everyone happy its just not possible yet still i try. y does no one want me to be happy

my life so far:

Job- i hate but keep cos its wot mum wants i cant physically stand it but still its wot mum wants

Family- its all about the babies. all i ever hear is shut up i walked in the living room the other day and dropped my keys the imediate response shut up ul wake the babies i didnt do it on purpose. then they wonder y im never home or when i am i hide in my room because i just cant stand to sit there and count how long it will be till i get told to shut up cos i dont have a baby so i dont count

Love life- well its my love life so complicated and basically fucked is generally how that goes

Friends- havent seen then in like a week n a half which for us is vry uncommon

 

today ive have just had enough and i have no one left to cry to so im sittin at a monitor instead but i have to put it somewhere. tomorrow i will wake up n go back to work n il smile lik nothing is wrong as i slowly die inside and become everything that i hate.

im just so tired of fighting it

seether concert last night! was a fcukin brilliant nite. second row for most of it but went to get a drink near the end cos was gettin crushed but ended up in a pit bout 5 rows back lol was funny wasnt wearin right shoes for it thou so foot got crushed but so worth it lol. SAdly i haveseen some bad warm up acts in me time but theirs had to be the worst by far at one point the lead sing/guitar got some drum sticks n help him mate play a song says it all really when the drummer needs help to play the song dont it. but still had fun tellin them they suck so neva mind lol

 

neway im off things ta do sadly :(

 

Dont make a sound

Till i come undone

 woohoo finally got me tounge pierced yestarday lol i was speakin fine until tismorning i sound funny now but its keeping us amused at work so neva mind lol

went shoppin with kat then seen saz n becca they got a wii fitness bloody funny watching paul n becca play it then went to an ann summers training party was fun but in st ives so borrowed kats satnav gave me 3 directions then stopped talkin so i had to look at the pics lol that plus it doesnt seem to no the one way streets cos it kept taking me to no entries but i made it lol

neway i was just bored so thought id blog

 

oh u change ur location before i come kick ur ass :p

 

someday, somehow

im gonna make it alright

but not right now

wow 3 blogs in one day drastic. i dont really no y i feel the need to blog but i do. its strange tothink that u can sit and break ur own heart time and time again like watching it in replay hard to accept that there will always be someone else infront of you someone they love more. someone they trust more or maybe someone that needs them more. but it will never be my turn maybe its time to accept that to face that and put it to the back of my mind with all the other shit i never bother to deal with cos at the end of the day wots the point.

to my friends: someone will always be there to pick u up after you fall

  theres a girl out there for everyone but if shes knowingly toyin with your emotions do u honestly think shes the one?

  jobs will come and go it maybe a little harder than you think but knowing that your good enough is half the battle

 Self-doubt will give the wrong impression- be it with women/ work

 

i cant make you listen but if i dont say it then u really wont listen so read it ignore it wotever. just no that your not alone if you gain hope from that then thats something at least

 

i can give you my love

but i cant make you take it

i can give you my heart

but you only break it

its very nice that u think my pics look nice but do u really think i want OLD MEN MESSAGING ME IM 18 FUCK OFF U PERVERTS!!!!

quietly isnt option im afraid besides its women that come and go not ur friends saz has always stood by u thou shes family i supose but adam and michael ur brothers in arms havent gone anywhere none of them really do quietly.

 

he darkness has had you one to many times, give the lught a chance

i no im prob no who u wanna talk to but im always around if u need a friend even if ya just need a moan im good for moanin at too :)

 

Forever waiting in the wings

im well bored today. Even took pics of me room lol cant wait to finish it thou its been in this state since feb need dad to fill a hole so that i can paint a wall, hang a pic and find somewhere for me 3 section staff then all is done woohoo lol surprised nothings been broken bein stored n moved around for the last few years with poeple moving in and out and changing rooms funfun

Seriously im wellll bored n cant sleep :( too much coke me thinks hmm

Pub tomorrow seans bithday should be fun :)

 

 

Time moves slowly now your gone

I havent heard your voice in quite sometime

soo bored at work nothing to do :(

hmm q.. how do u tell someone nicely to back off a little bit dont wanna hurt his feelings but we r just friends and he starting to feel more like me bf and i said no for a reason i dont wanna hurt him thou cos hes lovely :( y am i walking disaster when it comes to men. always pick the ones i cant flippin have n those i can i dont want sooo annoying

really should find something to do spent most of the day on facebook doing random quizes lol funfun

 

i burn down every bridge that ive found

now i limit myself to a 6 gun quota

haha just listened to the chipmunks tthrough fire and flames lol gotta love the chipmunks :) wot else was i meant ta look at? memory like a sive :S

 

lol did anyone see Latvia's euro song 'Pirates of to sea' cheered me up but then im easily amused lol

good week bmf at the weekends was excellent slight downer on sunday with troubling events but was still a good day since i was an outside party so yea.

Bowling on tuesday woohoo i think tony won first game me n martin drew second. sadly tonys misses is a bitch i tried to be nice tried startin conversations but she didnt even try so got pissed off n put me ear phones in but still had a gd time with martin and tony when she was having a fag otherwise didnt get to talk to him which is a shame cos dont eva see him n he is a nice guy so sucks. but yea. word of advice u seem to argue alot is it really worth it?  in the words of those smarter than me 'too much to young too fast' so get out while u still can. but then wot do i no i guess always around if u eva want a chat thou ok x 

Past me driving test yestarday first time 29 hours only 3 minors which im told is good so woohoo lol. then meal tonight with a friend from work n me sis i was drivin so no drinkin lol

Clubbin sat, Beach sunday (goin down on martins bike lovely) then market monday so yet another expensive weekend but all is good

 

Lmao i see u pushin ur bike u no u could have asked for help! i dont bite, well unless im asked me to ;)

 

Anyway:

How the hell we wind up like this

And werent we able

To see the signs that we missed

And try and turn the table. xx

I have have the best weekend :) went clubbing in norwich on sat with some girls from work and it was excellent soo much better than cambridge so cant wait to go back. then sunday i woke up eary n every1 was still asleep so i went for a roam around norwich was only 8.45 so was really quiet lovely :) then went out with martin in the evening on his bike went to a pub in middle of no where that he workes at was really nice then saw dave at night then went bowling with martin and some of his mates yestarday so all in all have had a brilliant couple of days :)

Downer i have to go to a backstreet boys concert tomorrow cos i promised staceu id go if she came to linkin park with me lol but neva mind a

flying so high the world cant stop me now

hmm today wot i needed a nice hot chocolate a dvd n foot massage, thou i hate feet so dont really no haow that would work lol

wot i got 2 screaming babies a hyperactive dog and 2 sick sisters = ruined evening. it wouldnt bother me if they were my kids or if they lived her but comin in from a long day to that its just anoying

But today reflecting as i frequently do... hmm... was watching a film the other day n it says everyone has the exact love life they want. do you think thats true? i been asked put 3 times in the past couple of weeks n i said no to all of them given 1 was a creep n he didnt so much as me out as ask me to settle down n have kids with him. but the other 2 r both really nice guys there was no reason for me to say no. hmm maybe it is true its lik i mess up every relationship or pick the guys i no i cant have, or if i can have them i can never have a real thing with them u no? so maybe its true... but i dont want to be alone i no that so y not say yes? i cant still be hooked? thats just not fair.

 

Im hooked on u i need i fix i cant take it

Just one more hit i promise i can deal with it

had a brilliant night sat thanx for helpin me celebrate guys lmao that pic of stacey drinkin her pitcher will hav ta upload them lol

Today i have been sittin in hospital with me sis bless her. she went in thursday they were checkin if the baby was breached turns out shes in early stages of pre-eclampcia (sp?) so they kept her in to enduce her and its taken them till today! that place really is a joke. but neva mind hopefully i will hav new niece or nephew by 2moz but sucks cos i gotta work so wont get to be the birthing partner :( neva mind i suppose

Neway i really gotta sleep got 1st clients in 2moz scary

 

Sitting here by the phone

With your pictures hanging on my wall x

 

 

we live in the hope that

some silences unbroken

As words that go unspoken

Find time to hear their truth

And find meaning in them too

A truth that sets us free

A truth that steers us true

But most of all

We live in the hope

That we are worth something

That everything we say and do

Will not amount to nothing

 

its not about putting the blame on anyone. we broke up big deal people break up everyday there is no blame or problem in that. i was trying to cheer up a friend the only way i knew how and since im not the friends shes missing i turn to those she talks about thinkin he would actually care. plus i though just maybe bein with all ur friends again would cheer u up a bit but clearly i was wrong as yet again u fail to see passed ur own place in this to realise it was about cheerin someone up not making u look bad.

gd luck with ur new gf i hope she stays long enough to find the old u cos this u is a real asshole

 

Keep telin everyone i lied to you

someone else might believe u oneday

LOVE IT!! Havin a brilliant day my driving lesson went great then i baby sat my niece for a while, did bit of ova time at work then martin just took me for a ride on his bike was excellent first time ive eva been on back of a bike. we was gonna go bowlin but hes dads comin home 2day so we had a quick drink instead think we might be goin bowlin sunday instead which is kl. thou my family r pain in the ass cos they assume that if i hang out with sum1 then im datin him n its hard convincing them otherwise lol but neva mind cos i had a wicked time.

all in all lifes great who says u need a man to hav a gd time, although that would make the day perfect ;) lol

Bloody friends r a pain in the ass!!!! txtin me of numbers i dont no pretendin to be who they not n creepin me the fuck out cos i knew it werent who they said!!! hence the txt n call tryin to work out who it really was. fuckin anoyin thou cos 1) it creeped me out cos of wot they was sayin n 2) i was cursin(not litteraly) the wrong bloody person which aint fair on him but wot did they expect me to think!

Bloody pain in the arse!!! Anyway rant over

 

Gonna piss off ta bed me niece is beautiful but she a nosy sod kept me awake all frigin night and shes across the blody hall!!!! but i love her so neva mind a

 

All the pain in this world cant stop us not

But all the hate in this world can tear us apart x