Gill finally had her baby!!! she beautiful!! she was 8.8 born on thursday 20th well happy just waitin on one more now :) love it :)

 

oh yer n i got a years modelin contract but the company seem pretty crap so i not holdin much hope of them gettin me any work which kinda sucks but neva mind.

 

Life is great

Even you cant break me now x

hmm time of reflection today me thinks. I drew a heart with barbed wire coiled round it for means apparently only clear to me n today i drew a butterfly oneside perfect the other a side decaying n i was trying to decide wot side  i was n then i was thinkin bout how other people saw me to some im clearly the decayin side cos im a liar. though when exactly i was meant to slip in by the way im lik ur best mate, espesically after the first time we broke up n how that went as if i would intentionally start that again. but what  bout others? its weird to think how u can be view so differently by so many people. though ,y eyes i dont think im a bad person ive made mistakes but ive apologised n fixed wot i can but there is only so much u can do before u walk away but emotionally im nt the nice side cos i fight so hard to not let people in cos ive seen the hurt it cause and caused it. so wot side do u stand on?

 

Anyway ignoring that i gots an intervies with a modelling agency on wednesday and im well excited bit pissed off thou cos cost me £140 to put me portfolio together to take with me which is money i reallllly dont have since i gotta pay for me car :( anyway i gots work in the morning so sweet dreams xx

 

Theres always something different goin wrong

I took a path in the wrong direction

Theres always someone fuckin hanging on x

hmm today has been unbelievably borin. i had a drivin lesson that went horribly i couldnt seem ta concentrate not really sure why just wasnt happenin lol then had me hair done n i luv it got black put in the underside n a side fringe looks cool. so ud think that would liven up the day a bit but no

As for the spy comments we dont believe them try not to worry bout it im sure it was just said as a joke but taken the wrong way, il hav a word but cheer up skipper k. Martin txt me randomly last night not quite expectin it no nethin bout it?? cos we was on bout people bein set up in the group the other day, if ya, n i wasnt part of the plans n would really rather keep it that way no offence to ne1.

neway think i might go online find sum randomer to chat to

 

Tell us not love again

They only rise us up to watch us fall x

i dont really understand the world, but im startin to feel thats kinda the point u no. its like if we understood it then it would take the meanin out of things as u have to make mistakes to realise the truth i guess. its like if we understood it then there would be no point in trying.

Its odd but i look around at our group of friends and u no those posters of tv shows were their all staning around but lookin different ways to each other. i see our group lik that most of us lookin for luv or maybe lust but were all lookin the wrong way n not seein wots right infront of us. i no that sounds really stupid but it makes sense in my world lol

anyway this was a completely random post.

 

In the words of the skipper:

Good things are worth waiting for,

Just dont let them slip by x

 

I dont want to no what its like to be the last one standing.

i think my heart just shattered with one cold stare, well actually 2 but u get the point. i feel kinda bad cos it upset me n i snapped at me dad when i got in n he didnt deserve it. y do i always fall for the guy i cant hav i swear its lik a disease n i really need a cure cos i cant take much more. i cant find a way to let go but i no i have to cos it just eatin me up. i no its pethetic right.

 

Anyway Linin Park was AMAZING the other day i had such a great time. wish i were goin to nightwish still but cant have everything right lol. Took Kristian for a wakl today with me mum (which is when i saw him) but was nice walk havent really walked that much of late just to n from work the cold is puttin me off but it makes me feel better so think il hav ta deal with bein cold.

 

Neway gonna go cos watchin disturbia :)

 

Pls tlk to me x

 

I would bleed for a smile x

bored.... went to see St Trinians was ok chipmunks is better.... on way home me sis asked me really randomly if i think we only hav one soul mate and if so how do ya find them? im not sure thou wot do u think? i dont think theres only one cos it would be so hard to find them surely dunno really wasnt expectin her to ask it was bit outta the blue really bit worried bout her think she scarred bout bein a single mum n struggling hmm

 

Hmm Del is happy so happy for him n think the trip will be gd for him. Saz is goin clubbin soo not fair :( but we goin as soon as i turn 18 so cant wait lol sad i no but luv dancin that plus she plans on gettin me wasted haha we shall see...

 

What kind of world do we live in

When love is divided by hate

 

 

 

hmm Nightwish on tour at astoria in london good band good venue tempting....

woohoo 2 exams ova just one to go oh yes!! lol given i kinda gave up on one of them cos i didnt no the answers so i went to the back n started writin the lyrics to woteva songs poped into me head lol seemed like a gd idea at the time  

1 more 2moz then off shop with me sisters n mum should be fun thou i hav no money so cant buy anything which sucks cos i really need to find sumin to wear to linkin park. got some runes today see if im better with them than tarrot cards lol i get annoyed cos they take to long to interpret think im gonna go back to meditating in the mornin n before i sleep cos it used to work really well so il giv it a go again dont really no y i stopped in the first place  muppet a.

anyway enough trivial shit bout me life cos im sure u dont wanna no so laters

 

burn rubber not your soul  x 

i was speakin to my friend today n i told him i wanted to go for a walk but was a bit late so couldnt cos mum n dad would start askin questions in i couldnt be bothered with it. he told me so close my eyes n feel the ground under your feet the wind blown n the night air rushin around u n just walk. so i did n he asked me wot i saw. i saw wide open fields n a beautiful starlite sky so that i could run n not have to stop until i wanted to then when i did stop i could lay n look at the stars and slowly disappear into the sky and become nothing the but the peaceful emptiness of nothin. So tell me, wot do u see?

 

i really shoul go i hav two exams tomorrow n havent got a clue wot they are  on or even wot time/ room i hav to been in so that could be fun :( but neva mind. at least it'll give me a few hours to catch up on sleep lol think i might go put on linkin park n try to sleep

 

Are my screams loud enough for you to hear?

Should i turn it up for you?

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence gets us nowhere! xx

random thought but if u were falling and dragging other down with you would it be better to jump n drown yourself to let them carry on or do u carry on tryin to find ur footing but risk hurtin other along the way?

 

havin a weird day to day not a bad one just weird lol it like everything is clear n fits into place. one single moment of clarity that generally leads ti a rash decision with little thought to the outcome so goin to avoid all decisions today n prob any topic that couldlead to decisions

but anyway the heatings fixed n the cots here (thou the matteres not there :-S ) so just waitin for my pc now

 

You should be the star in the show of your life

So y r u acting like the best freind? x

woohoo gettin my pc 2moz!!!! sweet thou need to get a screen that would help lol

had a long chat with del was gd (thou still not likin msn lol)

Bad points of da day: work (neva a gd thing), couldnt sleep n our pissin boiler just broke so cant shower till it fixed!!!!!! stupid piece of shit that boiler

that plus del is ill n some friends r unhappy  but life will get better, time to find the silver linings

seen an mate i hadnt seen in a while today that was gd will hav to meet up with her properly soon hav missed her lol

 

 

 

You always find a way

To keep me right here waiting xx

 

 

 hmmm just checks lee evans tickets he only got 2 dates left in london really need to book them but got no moneys :( sucks but il find a way i wont miss him again!

 

I had the most amazing day!!! the photoshoot was excellent thou went really quick i put some of the better pics on here

then roamed london brought some new cds finally found nightwish!!!! n got Avenge sevenfold

so all in all a gd day but g2g things ta do

 

later x

Merry christmas!!! woohoo lol

waitin to play dawn of war so thought id leave u all a message whilst they set it up

pub was fun thou im shit at pool n now every1 nos it lol neva mind

god they r takin forever!!!!!! feel lik havin a chat ne1??? so bored

 

its where she lies broken inside x

Woohoo goin to see linkin parks tour in january can wait!!!! always wanted to see them live gonna be excellent!

hmm had a fight with my parents last night which sucked n im thinkin i might drop out of college(again lol) cos i hate it there but dunno. made del worry cos my phone was dead n i was runnin really cos i was fightin with them sorry bout that xxx but he cheered me up n i slept really well which is  a frist in a few weeks so thanx for that

neway g2g otherwise im gonna be runnin late again lol

 

two halfs cant make a whole

if they are not whole by themselves x