Forever the dreamer, never the dream

sooo tired someone shoot me.... hav ta see stupid duty nurse seriously that docs is crap cant possibly run out of appointments that quick!

 

why do people always want something from you. y cant i just be enough y does there always have to be more or have to be something in the way. i get that people need things i do and thats fine but cant they ask someone else for a change or at least hav the desency to say thanks.

for once in my life i just want to no that i am good enough that what im doing is good enough. i cant make everyone happy its just not possible yet still i try. y does no one want me to be happy

my life so far:

Job- i hate but keep cos its wot mum wants i cant physically stand it but still its wot mum wants

Family- its all about the babies. all i ever hear is shut up i walked in the living room the other day and dropped my keys the imediate response shut up ul wake the babies i didnt do it on purpose. then they wonder y im never home or when i am i hide in my room because i just cant stand to sit there and count how long it will be till i get told to shut up cos i dont have a baby so i dont count

Love life- well its my love life so complicated and basically fucked is generally how that goes

Friends- havent seen then in like a week n a half which for us is vry uncommon

 

today ive have just had enough and i have no one left to cry to so im sittin at a monitor instead but i have to put it somewhere. tomorrow i will wake up n go back to work n il smile lik nothing is wrong as i slowly die inside and become everything that i hate.

im just so tired of fighting it

seether concert last night! was a fcukin brilliant nite. second row for most of it but went to get a drink near the end cos was gettin crushed but ended up in a pit bout 5 rows back lol was funny wasnt wearin right shoes for it thou so foot got crushed but so worth it lol. SAdly i haveseen some bad warm up acts in me time but theirs had to be the worst by far at one point the lead sing/guitar got some drum sticks n help him mate play a song says it all really when the drummer needs help to play the song dont it. but still had fun tellin them they suck so neva mind lol

 

neway im off things ta do sadly :(

 

Dont make a sound

Till i come undone

 woohoo finally got me tounge pierced yestarday lol i was speakin fine until tismorning i sound funny now but its keeping us amused at work so neva mind lol

went shoppin with kat then seen saz n becca they got a wii fitness bloody funny watching paul n becca play it then went to an ann summers training party was fun but in st ives so borrowed kats satnav gave me 3 directions then stopped talkin so i had to look at the pics lol that plus it doesnt seem to no the one way streets cos it kept taking me to no entries but i made it lol

neway i was just bored so thought id blog

 

oh u change ur location before i come kick ur ass :p

 

someday, somehow

im gonna make it alright

but not right now

wow 3 blogs in one day drastic. i dont really no y i feel the need to blog but i do. its strange tothink that u can sit and break ur own heart time and time again like watching it in replay hard to accept that there will always be someone else infront of you someone they love more. someone they trust more or maybe someone that needs them more. but it will never be my turn maybe its time to accept that to face that and put it to the back of my mind with all the other shit i never bother to deal with cos at the end of the day wots the point.

to my friends: someone will always be there to pick u up after you fall

  theres a girl out there for everyone but if shes knowingly toyin with your emotions do u honestly think shes the one?

  jobs will come and go it maybe a little harder than you think but knowing that your good enough is half the battle

 Self-doubt will give the wrong impression- be it with women/ work

 

i cant make you listen but if i dont say it then u really wont listen so read it ignore it wotever. just no that your not alone if you gain hope from that then thats something at least

 

i can give you my love

but i cant make you take it

i can give you my heart

but you only break it